Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in my current unknowns that I find myself forgetful of how I’ve seen God’s faithfulness during times of uncertainty in the past. Recently, I’ve been wrestling with some unknowns and significant decisions, but as God continues to be consistent in His pursuit of me and in His desire for me to trust Him completely, I find myself thankful for the reminders of His faithfulness.
In John chapter 14 we find Jesus and the disciples in the upper room for the Passover. He had just finished washing their feet. He followed that up with a prediction of Judas’ betrayal and Peter’s denial. He then starts talking about leaving them to go prepare a place for them. He’s going to come back to get them. He assures them they already know how to get there (verses 2-3). I can just imagine what the disciples were thinking. What in the world is he talking about?! He’s leaving? But he’s coming back and we’re going with him? What?! Understandably, there were questions. In verse five, Thomas speaks up with what I’m sure every other disciple was thinking. “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”
I love Jesus’ response. He simply says, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (verse 6). Knowing what was soon coming and the times of uncertainty that His disciples would face, He continues to encourage them. But, before He wraps up, He promises God will send someone to help them, to guide them, to remind them of all He had done. Take a look at verses 25-27:
25 “All this I have spoken while still with you. 26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
I love how the promises of Jesus in the Bible are just as much for us as they were for those He spoke them to originally. As a follower of Jesus I have the Holy Spirit who guides, leads…and reminds. My reminder tonight? A journal entry that I wrote in the very early hours of the morning on January 28, 2016, about 12 hours before I experienced my moment of life-changing freedom from the slavery of fear. That was almost 14 months ago.
In this season of seeking God, learning to trust Him to be enough, and discerning His next steps for me, I have found myself faced with some of the same questions. The temptation to live in and operate from a place of fear is still very real. And yet, as I face these questions I realize that I can do so from a place of freedom, within a reframed state of mind.
The questions remain the same, but I am not.
I am grateful for the reminders of His faithfulness and the growth I have experienced, reminders of answered prayers and the ability to live in freedom, and the reminder that He is enough–even in the unknowns.
The choice is mine, and the answer…
…it seems so simple.
And yet, it’s hard.
Healing needs to happen.
But I feel immobilized.
Frozen in fear.
What if I get it wrong?
What if I fail and just can’t get it right?
What if I am a disappointment?
A lot in life has aided…
…but it’s still my choice how to respond.
I had a mountain.
I had. a mountain.
And it was hard…
…physically. mentally. emotionally.
I climbed the mountain and you said,
“My daughter, I gave you the mountain for a reason.”
You said I was.
After the mountain?
A foggy valley.
It’s time to own my emotions.
You say, “I have set you free.”
The chains have been broken…
…but I struggle to let go.
I remember. I remember well.
Battle scars decorate my heart.
Wounds need your healing touch.
...That’s the promise you’ve given me.
New every morning.
Every. single. morning.
I look back and I remember.
I remember well.
That’s my word.
Abba, Daddy…I need your hope.
Jesus…I need your hope.
Holy Spirit…I need your hope.
A willing but unconfident spirit.
Lord, I believe. Please help my unbelief.
There is power in the name of Jesus…
…to break every chain.
Every. single. chain.
Jesus, you have broken the chains.
Holy Spirit, give me the strength to let go…
Into Abba’s embrace.
Into who I am in You.
Claimed and embraced.
Set free and enough.
YOU are more than enough.
But, what if I’m not ready?
“You are, sweet daughter of mine. You are.”
But how do I know?
It’s not about what I’ve done.
It’s all about who You are.
Restore, rebuild, and bring back.
Destroy the stronghold, the fear.
Embolden my trust.
And may I embrace the freedom that’s already been bought…
…and the hope that comes from You.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with lovingkindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.” — Jeremiah 31:3-4